I died so I could live

After many years of struggling with alcohol, sex addiction, and dependence on welfare, one conversation with the founder of the Metasteps process set this single mother on the road to total freedom.

I was constantly struggling with my life, and the really sad part about it was that I didn’t realize how much I was struggling. I thought I had everything under control. I told myself that even though I was on welfare, had an unhealthy dependence on alcohol, experienced one romantic disappointment after another, and had just developed high blood pressure, I was doing fine because I had “right thinking.” I thought positive thoughts and spent ample time concentrating on my hopes, dreams and desires. The fact remained, however, that my “outward conditions” were what they were; and they were manifestations of my true, core beliefs.

I had read books on self-improvement and self-empowerment, and I had met people who taught me truths that helped me to expand my thinking. They were helpful in “showing me the door.” But it wasn’t until I met Roy Nelson, and my friends of Be Totally Free! through reading an article, that I was given the key to open that door.

After reading the article and talking to the Be Totally Free! founder on the phone, she put me in contact with Roy Nelson. I made the trip to see them the next day. I would have crawled if I had to because I knew I was in hell and I was going to die in hell if I didn’t get help! We talked for hours, and at times it got very scary because as I listened I could actually hear him saying things that my own soul had been saying to me all along. He taught me that if I wanted my life to change, I HAD TO CHANGE. I had to stop the self-destructive behaviors that were keeping me miserable. It was far simpler than I had believed. The condition of my life was no longer a mystery.

I was shown that although I may have improved upon my beliefs and my thinking, I had not erased my old beliefs and negative thought patterns. I was actually building my new beliefs on top of the old ones that actually caused my problems in the first place. I was trying to build my house on a faulty foundation. I had to return to my past, recalling and examining things that happened in my life twenty, thirty and even forty years ago, feelings and fears I had as a small child amidst the turmoil and pressures of poverty I was born into. I had to examine all of these issues that had shaped my early thinking because they were at the root of all of my “error” thinking now.

Roy taught me that I could not do this work alone; that when I began this quest some of the answers that I would find would be very painful. I would need to feel loved and feel safe in order to examine these things. I was provided with this love and safety from a person who understood how I felt, and had overcome feeling that way. He does not charge for the work that he does, he instead gives freely of his time and experience which made it easier for me to trust and heal. He showed me that through the grace of God all things could be healed. Roy also taught me that problems need not be “solved,” but that they could actually be erased, and that life really was as abundant and as beautiful as I had imagined, and even more so if I would just be willing to do the work to experience it. As I listened, talked, laughed, cried, and was loved, I was also healed. When I got home later that night I knew that I was on the road to recovery—I was freed from my “self-imposed” hell. I like to call these people my “soul-savers.”

Since that first meeting I have been experiencing remarkable changes in my life. The very next day I was offered a job that enabled me to get off of welfare! And with further help through the Metasteps process I am already preparing myself for even better paying work that will give me more flexible hours. I am no longer dependent on drinking alcohol to relax me and ease the pain of my life. I now have the self-esteem to stop seeking out the unhealthy relationships I was addicted to for years. My children notice a huge difference in me and are directly benefiting from the “new me.” I am now enjoying a self-confidence, peace and new-found faith in God that I didn’t know existed! I thank God every day for Roy and the gift of my new life!